There seem to be no end of Fifty Shades parodies. A quick search will get you Fifty Shades of Black and Blue, Fifty Shades of Pink, Fifty Shades of Gravy and (strangely) Fifty Shades of Silver Hair and Socks.
Two other parodies showed up in our mail recently: Fifty Shames of Earl Gray and Fifty Shades of Louisa May.
Fifty Shames of Earl Gray by Fanny Merkin (whose real name, Andrew Shaffer of EvilReads, is revealed on the cover) is the story of billionaire CEO Earl Gray and the girl smitten by him, Anna Steal. Earl buys her stuff, Anna loves his shapely fingers—you get the picture. The “fifty shames” are all Earl’s dirty secrets, like his man-crush on Tom Cruise. Here’s the opener:
I growl with frustration at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is fifty shades of messed up. Why is it so kinky and out of control? I need to stop sleeping with it wet. As I brush my long brown hair, the girl in the mirror with brown eyes too big for her head stares back at me. Wait . . . my eyes are blue! It dawns on me that I haven’t been looking into the mirror—I’ve been staring at a poster of Kristen Stewart for five minutes. My own hair is fine.
Fifty Shades of Louisa May by L M Anonymous is supposed to be a “found” diary of Louisa May Alcott, chronicling all the “transcendent” sex she had. The result is probably the goofiest of all, starring literary figures Melville, Emerson, Thoreau and Hawthorne, and illustrated with X-rated “woodcuts.”
Desire has left me as a letter leaves its envelope, dried and relieved of purpose. Yet the though of my lusty days brings a familiar blush to my face, a thrilling disarray to my thoughts. Perhaps the heaving heart of my youth still beats beneath my black cretonne (expensive, I might point out, and from France) I shall start my brief memoir, as many Frenchmen do, with early lustful memories, my first visions of the ways of men and women.
There’s plenty of room on this bandwagon. Anyone have some great parody ideas? We know you can do better than these!