Mom Can I Have That?

"Why won't you buy me a new video-game system? All the other kids have one."

You're tempted to say:
"If all the other kids jumped off the Empire State Building, would you jump, too?"

Dr. T's Rx:

Don't try to be too clever or you'll end up outsmarting yourself. Kids won't necessarily make the connection between jumping off buildings and buying video games (or if they do, they'll probably ignore it).

Say what you mean, which, Dr. T hopes, is that "because everyone has it" is the last reason you'd consider buying something. It's critical that your children understand that your family's values may not be the same as the Jones family's. Maybe you can't afford to keep up. Maybe you feel your children's current video-game system is in good enough shape and they don't need a new one (unless you're willing to let them buy it with their own money). Or maybe you just don't want to referee disputes between siblings about whose turn it is to play (in which case you might consider compromising on a couple of hand-held game systems).

In any case, the decision is up to you, not the Joneses. And whatever you decide, your kids will not be social outcasts, they will not die (you didn't when you tried the same ploy), and they will not stop loving you or move out of the house.

That doesn't mean you should never buy your kids anything all the other kids have. It just means you shouldn't buy them everything all the other kids have. Be discriminating, choosing those things your kids want most--and, if you've done your job, least expect. The element of surprise is more than half the fun for both of you.

A single mother on a limited budget tells the story of her young daughter, who wanted the same expensive doll that all her friends were playing with. Mother and daughter talked it over and started a savings fund. But when Mom saw her daughter cutting out pictures of the coveted doll and pasting them on her old doll's face, she broke down and bought her daughter the doll as an Easter gift--only to fret that she had given in too easily. She needn't have worried. The child did get her doll early, but not before her mother had talked with her about their limited means and the need to save for purchases--a lesson that wasn't lost on the little girl. "There must be an Easter Bunny," she told her mom, Òbecause you never could have afforded this."

Dr. Tightwad Explains...