Geek Logik
By Garth Sundem
Workman, $12.95
128 pages
ISBN 0761140212

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Is the uncertainty of life getting you down? It seems that everywhere we turn, there are questions desperately calling out for answers: Should I bring my laptop on vacation? Should I get a tattoo? Should I call in sick? Author Garth Sundem offers mathematical solutions for everyday dilemmas like these in his wacky new book, Geek Logik: 50 Foolproof Equations for Everyday Life. We asked for Sundem's advice on a question confronting all the Dan Brown-wannabes in the publishing world.

What are the chances my book will be a bestseller?

By Garth Sundem

There it is, finally, sitting on your kitchen table—your snazzy new book complete with cover art, blurbs and the better chunk of your last two years' conscious thought. Your mom loves it, your spouse is warily optimistic, and your dog is eyeing it jealously as if to say, "I still don't see why this is more important than taking me to the park to eat goose poop." But will it sell? Run the numbers, dear author, to find out:

Pg = How many previous books have you published that have sold at least 20,000 copies?
Pf = How many previous books have you published that have sold below 10,000?
F = Of 100 randomly sampled people, how many would recognize your name?
C = How many titles does your publisher currently have on the USA Today Top 150 Bestseller List?
T = Is your book about any of the following: weight loss, finances, the hijinks of youthful wizards, self actualization, heartwarming family memoirs, barbecuing, ex-CIA heroism, dogs/cats, arcane religious puzzles, geeky math humor? (enter 2 for "yes" and 1 for "no")
G = Honestly, how good/useful is it? (1-10 with 1 being Natural Cures They Don't Want You to Know About and 10 being Night)
X = How compatible is your astrological sign with the book's release date? (1-10)
Rowling is the percentage chance that you will be able to retire to your personal banana republic, living off royalties and Mai Tais.